When I was a little kid, there are times when I would wish I was dead, so that I can see my family and friends cry over my body murmuring words of their appreciation for my genius (ahemm, I was a kid, a kid could dream!) and remember the good deeds I have done, then I would tauntingly exclaim “I told you I was important!”. Then realization would burst that weirdly happy bubble: I could not mock at them, or even see them, coz my eyes would be rotting in my coffin together with my body.

Honestly, I used to think that I was the only the unappreciated person, until I saw my Uyang lying in her coffin, with people all over the house talking about how good she was to them. I wonder, did Uyang knew that she was this important to these many people?

Now, with the death of Michael Jackson, the same question popped in my head: Did Michael Jackson knew he was this important to these many people?

Funny how some people only show how much they really appreciate you when you die. When Michael Jackson was alive, I had only known him by his name and his songs, and the issues thrown against him. I grew up to his songs, but I also heard of rumors of his pedophile acts and that “baby-out-the-window” stunt of his. I loved his songs, no doubt about that, but I hated his “personality”.

I thought I knew everything about him by then, and that everybody thinks like me. So his death should have been just like that of a villain’s death. I was surprised by how the mass reacted. News networks all over the world featured everything about him reported almost every detail of his death, and millions of fans (I knew he had lots and lots of fans, but I never knew he had this much!) thirstily asking for more about him. I thought that was just about it. But as if to really taunt me, I read in an article that Michael Jackson’s death also sent shockwaves in the virtual world. Hundreds, no, thousands of articles are written about him in just a few days. His songs and albums, old or new, topped the charts in a snap. Some search engines almost bogged down. And then everyone's talking about how good he was back when he was alive, and passed his not-so-good issues as just the eccentric sides of an artist.

I never knew he was this much appreciated. Maybe he doesn’t know too. I heard he was hooked to painkillers for some time as his way of coping up with the negative issues that was throwing him down, with one really killing his pain for good this time. One good thing about his death is that now he doesn’t have to suffer much criticisms on what he is doing, since he can’t do anything wrong anymore, with that stiff body of his safe in his coffin. Many are wishing that he is still alive, that he could have continued trying to “Heal the World” and assuring that “You are Not Alone”. But his death could have been the way to make his critics realize that he might be "THE MICHAEL JACKSON", but he’s still human, and humans could err, as humans could die. I sure do know that now.

I hope that his death teaches everyone a lesson, just as my Uyang’s death had taught me. We can't wait until they are dead, before we show our appreciation to our loved ones, family, and friends. We never know when someone needs to know they are appreciated. I'm sure MJ would have wanted us all to know that.

I contemplated on the recent bombing incident here in Iligan City as I was reading a friend’s status post in Facebook stating that some rebels declared that soldiers should leave our city to end the chaotic situation. As I scrolled down, I saw someone comment that as long as there would be Sailormoon, it would be okay. I read further, and arrived at a comment that Powerpuff Girls should be able to protect us.

It is funny, in a way. But don’t you think it’s also pathetic, how we end up wishing for superheroes?

Maybe the said comments are just jokes. I also considered that. But think about it. People would probably really wish that these superheroes are true, even if they were as cute and frail-looking as the Powerpuff Girls, if that would mean any attempt to create chaos would be prevented, and if anyone would succeed in creating a chaotic situation, someone or some group of superheroes would save the day.

I must admit, I am one of those people I’m referring to as wishing for superheroes. Pathetic? Yes, maybe. I know there ain’t any, but one could dream. It gives hope to the bigger dream I have, and that is achieving real and lasting peace.

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I once responded to someone who’s a total stranger to me, asking me if I had ever thought of committing suicide. I gave the truest answer I could give.

Yes. I have that thought of it more than once. And if it does come to my mind, I try to think logically, and, well, optimistically.

Logically, in the sense that I ask myself these questions: What would happen if i try to kill myself? If I remember it correctly, the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul stated in one article that more than 70% of those who committed suicide regrets at the last minute, and realizes that they really don't want to die. Less than half of them survives. I then asks myself, would I end up regretting it if I try to kill myself? What if I would? And what if I die? Would I really want to die, knowing that I might regret it in the end? Which would be more beneficial and practical to me, getting through, with these troubles and seeing it to the end, or just simply ending the suffering by dying?

Optimistically, in the form of stating these to myself. These too, shall pass. Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not yet alright, then it's not yet the end. I can still do more after going through with this troubles. And if I pass through this critical point of my life, I might be turned into a better person, or not. But at least I'll know what will happen after. If I die, I won't know anything at all. And, if I die, I won't be able to do the stuffs I like to do, eat the things I'd like to eat, watch the shows and movies I'd like to see.

In the end, I'd realize, I don't like to die just because of the things that are bothering me, even how overwhelmed I might be of the situation.

These thoughts and questions are irrelevant to some, but it helps me to think it through before really launching into that big step of trying to die. I can't just die without having been remembered that I lived. It's stupid to do so. The point of living is to be remembered, hopefully for the good or great things you have done when you lived. I might not live to be a national hero or a world celebrity, as long as others remembered how good I am to them while I still lived.

Hope this enlightens others.